Okay here we go. For those of you who want to know the truth I'm going to lay it all out there for ya. If you dont like what you think I might say go ahead and stop reading now, because this is for everyone who thinks they know something they don't.
Lets start out with this scenario. My Wednesday and Thursday looked a little like this this week: I woke up at 6 on Wednesday, got derek up and ready and went to the doctors office (hes been having some trouble with his eyes.) The result from that doctors appointment was being sent to a specialist for Dereks eyes the following morning (Thursday) but back to Wednesday. After the doctors appointment I went and got some wendys with my moms best friend april. Got derek some fries and went to the park, which we had done everyday that week before, up until then. Derek played like always until I stopped him. Took him back to Aprils (we stayed with her because I live in south carolina and his doctor is in north carolina) gave him a bath and put him to bed. Thursday morning starts with the same routine. In Graystone (eye doctor) for a couple hours and find out whats wrong with dereks eyes) almost the same day over again. playing, feeding, bathing and to bed.
Heres a look at his fathers days: wake up, go to work at a golf course, sell some drugs in the meantime during his day, home and to sleep. You can pretty much base his everyday like that.
Where as my everyday is taking care of my son.
We'll go back to the beginning, when his father and I were still together. From the beginning i lived at home with my dad and he would come and stay some. So while he was getting off work and going home to sleep all night i was up with a newborn all night. I argued and argued he should be there with me to help take care of our son, and most nights he would.. but there were periods when being there for spirts at a time just wasnt what was inportant to him. We decided to live together at his grandpas, he wasnt there most of the time so it worked for us.. I worked a fulltime job at olive garden and he worked at dominos.. and for a while he got a second job, great job, and then changed that job to another and lost that one due to drugs.. but anywho.. while we were both working his mom would watch derek. she was in mountainview right beside dominos. HOWEVER i still had to drive out there and drop derek off and pick him up. Chase (dereks dad) would lie about having to be in work at 4 when really he didnt have to be there until 6 so he could go smoke weed with his buddies while i drove 30 minutes out of the way there and back (combined) to get derek to his nana in time for me to be at work on time. that clearly became an issue. As far as picking him up you would think since he is right there he would pick him up and take him home since he usually got off before me anyways, right? no.. he would make up excuse after excuse every time to not get him.. leaving me with another trip to go pick derek up and go home, only to find chase drunk and pilled out on whatever pills he had at the time.. I would call chase and ask him to come help me unload the car, his response, no. he said i could make a couple trips if i had to.. Another thing, I would ask him to watch derek long enough for me to take a shower, his answer, "no you fucking figure it out." My life was a hell hole and i wanted so hard to make it work bc regardless i loved him, had since i was 12, and i wanted derek to have both of his parents. but what was two parents in the same home when one was on pills and drunk all the time and had nothing to do with him. and plently saw it and have simply just ignored it.
Chase sold weed. I knew about it when i was pregant and made sure he knew it would stop once derek was born or else.. Well something happened (still to this day dont know the whole story, i can only make my own assumptions) all the weed chase had been "fronted"got stolen, or smoked, or whatever.. so he used someone alot of money. So in turn he stole jewelry from his mom pawned it and paid the guy. After the police report had been filed and places had been searched it came up that chase had done it and no charges were pressed.. Needless to say i kind of lost respect for chase at that point completely. Everything had built up long enough and i broke. i packed our bags and went back home.
I let chase have derek every other weekend and asked him to pay 50 a week in child support, $200 a month. which is nothing for a baby and was the minimal amount the court would ask someone who is even unemployeed to pay. And he did, sometimes, always this is that about having to wait bc he didnt have it, while working two jobs, might i add. He always pulls the "I've worked two jobs since dereks been born" card but hes never paid more than $200 a month or went and bought derek a toy, clothes, anything just to get his son something. never! so the whole "two jobs" card isnt for his son, its to keep up his weed and pill habit. Oh and i forgot to add another story. Okay so dereks first halloween (we were together) i bought him a tiger costume. Chase claimed he had to work on dereks first halloween so i planned on taking derek by there to suprise chase and his co-workers by letting them see him in his costume before we went out trick or treating. I get to chases work and to my suprise HE ISNT THERE. didnt have to work, so where was he? The plan was either way when he got off work to meet me at his moms and we would go together, which was right by dominos (again.) Well when i call chase he is all the way back near his house in saint stephens smoking weed with his friend (wont list his name.) Needless to say by the time chase finished smoking, showering, and whatever else he did, it was too late and cold to take derek out. So that was dereks first halloween.. First christmas (we were together due to halloween and all the other crap i meantioned) Chase was suppose to get derek that night.. Dereks formual we had on wic. which we always ran out so i always had get more. I called chase on the way back from charlotte with my family and told him i had enough formula for tonight and in the morning but i was sending the voucher and he needed to go get his formula in the morning.. He starts screaming how i should go get it, i tried to explain to him that it was christmas and nowhere was open and the voucher wasnt dated until the next day, meaning i couldnt get it until the 26th of december... I had planned on taking derek to chase, I have always tried to go out of the way to help him do his part as a parent. I told chase since he was hollering and screaming that he could come get derek because i wasnt going to go out of my way for someone who was being so rude and what not. Of course, chase never shows up. So thats halloween and christmas he just didnt care about. But who had him on these holidays? ME. Because im the only parent who does anything for him.
Back to Chases "weekends" he gets. As i said i live in sc, however i still have friends in nc where chase lives, so i have ALWAYS taken derek to chase and stayed the weekend with a friend and took derek back home with me.. However, chase was never with derek those weekends. Chases Mom had him.. chase would occassionally show up and say hey and then leave. he never kept derek on his weekends still doesnt..
Ive had an apartment to give my son a home that i shared with my bestfriend Tess and her son. i paid bills chase never had to pay bc he didnt have to take care of derek that was my job and i didnt mind. both my parents and tess' parents offered us help to come back home so we could go back to school and get help with our children. so we did. i moved back to sc and she moved back in with her parents. my mom works a full time job so i couldnt exactly get a job right when i moved down here. she was in the middle of an outage and that meant she was work 6 days a week 12 hours a day with an hours commute both ways. so i took the time to be home with my son. working all the time in nc had left me with alot of time away from him so having this time has been wonderful.. in chases eyes im a "lazy piece of shit mom who cant get a job and does nothing for my son" last time i checked i was home all day with him teaching him and playing with him while going back to school to make something of myself for him.. i dont have someone to watch him so i can go out and do whatever.. so i chose help. i chose to further my education and make something of myself that derek can be proud of. and last time i checked on chases "weekend" i was riding with a girlfriend of mine, gwen (one of his ex's actually) going to her house. We passed chase on the road. he honked thinking it was just gwen and then soon realized i was in the car. He was supposed to be at work. so when we ask him (hes wayyyyy fucked up too might i add) he says he has to go to the dominos on springs road and he just left the mountainview store.. no sign on the top of the car and no work clothes... well we pass that store on the way to gwens.. so he pulls in the store.. we turn around to see if he goes in.. he circles the store and pulls back out. calls me (again fucked up) and says he has to go to the mountainview store "he forgot". so we go to gwens riding behind chase and he pulls into his neighborhood. he didnt know we were behind him the second time.. so i ask him on the phone "if i call the store will they say you are working?" bc whats the point in giving him the weekend if hes putting my child off on someone else right? he flips and says hes working at another store i dont know about.. aka selling drugs on his weekend with his son.. yet another lie..
Tonight chase calls (fucked up as usual) im telling him about dereks eyes and asks him if he can pay half for dereks glasses. he says yes. I mention my mom is going to pay for them but im going to pay her back with my taxes.. he flips about how half of that is his. WHY? idk. you do nothing as a parent so why would you get half? When ive paid for his clothes the roof over his head and what not. but i explain im going to let my mom claim both derek and i since she is the one now putting a roof over OUR head and helping me go back to school. shes spent endless amounts of money helping us and shes entitled to that back.. Well then he says hes not paying anymore child support. i tell him that is fine ill just take him for back child support for the months he doesnt pay.. so then he calls back and says hes going to take custody of derek. His family has the money to and he'll do it..
So from what all you have read how is that fair? From what you have read do i seem like the crazy baby momma thats keeping his son from him or being demanding about money while i sit on my ass? im sorry i have out son 24/7 and you have the opportunities to work and do everything you want.. i have a son to take care of something you have never had to worry about..
